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| Our Mom, Janet |
Our mother has faced many challenges in her life, some being only minor inconveniences, and others turning out to be major catastrophes. She is probably not unusual in this, but her outlook is exceptional. Whenever she faces something that would threaten to overwhelm and depress the average person, she applies her "Theory of Relativity." She takes a deep breath and attempts to see the problem is a "big picture" way. She consoles herself that "there are some people who have it better than me, but there are some people who have it much worse." Thus, to Mom, everything is relative. She, herself, does not call it her "Theory of Relativity"- that name is from her three ungrateful children. Sometimes it was said to her in a dismissive and judgmental way, I must confess, but as we matured, we understood the wisdom she was attempting to impart to us.
As parents, we teach our children what we know, and what works for us. Mom found that, no matter how bad something seemed, you could always find someone more fortunate than you, which is easy, but that also you could find someone whom you would not trade circumstances with, and remember to be grateful that your situation wasn't worse. Our parents fostered confidence and good self-esteem in us, but this was one occasion where Mom encouraged us to take a moment and compare ourselves to others.
Actually, like Einstein's, Mom's Theory of Relativity also caused a shift in perception. It also encompassed space and time. Give the situation a little time and some space, and you might learn to feel differently about it. As children, and teenagers (which is some form of extraterrestrial possession), in addition to the usual comfort received from Mom, we would also get a dose of "Relativity."
"Did someone leave you and break your heart? I am sorry you got hurt. Let me give you a hug. Just remember that there are couples in loving relationships for years, and there are also people who are in an abusive relationship. You might be alone now, but at least you are not an unhappy prisoner with someone who doesn't deserve you."
"Did you lose your job? I am sorry that they didn't recognize your talents and value to the company. Let me give you a hug. Just remember that there are people who retire from a fulfilling career after years, and there are also people who are miserable at their job every day. There are even people who would like to work, but cannot, due to their problems. You will find something else. We don't have much, but we will help you if you need anything."
"Did you hit another deer with your car? I am sorry that you are dealing with that again. Let me give you a hug. I know how hard you worked to save for it, and that must be frustrating. Just remember that there are people that buy a new car every year, and there are also people who have never had a vehicle of their own. At least you weren't hurt- there are other cars, but there is only one you!"
So, to ungrateful and inexperienced younger ears, we did not want to hear that it could be better and it could be worse. We got the valuable message of unconditional love, but the "Theory of Relativity" usually annoyed us. After living a bit more, and experiencing both life's wonders and seeming cruelties, it became obvious that Mom was right. (AGAIN! by the way...)
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| Colleen, Scott, and Karin, in a frame Mom made for us |
As we gained perspective, we began to admire how Mom's outlook and gratitude, even in adversity, made her such a balanced person. We no longer dismiss it. We have dropped the sarcasm. It is not annoying anymore. In fact, we are amused at our own limited vision and intense focus on unimportant Drama. We try to see the "big picture" and maintain our perspective. We are grateful for Mom's Theory of Relativity. It has served her well, and she has passed it along to her three GRATEFUL children.
