Nature or nurture? The debate continues, and it is likely that the answer is a balance between the two. In a cake emergency, perhaps some genetic material was passed on from our mother to my sister Colleen, or perhaps she observed our mother and learned from her vast experience. We discovered this latent talent, under duress, while attempting the biggest party since Nero. We all know how that turned out, but our story has a happy ending and only involves one small fire- oh, and the sacrifice of a pig.
I have a confession, and I think it will shock exactly zero of the people reading this. I was not diagnosed until I was an adult, but have severe ADHD. I guess people thought it was part of my charming(?) personality. My family observed my frantic intensity and my lackadaisical distractibility, and loved me anyway. They suffered greatly sometimes, but with me around life was never dull, and no one got the opportunity to be bored.
Our parents had often spoken of wanting to fly to Hawaii for their 25th Wedding Anniversary. As the date drew closer, the cost of living and providing for their three children made saving almost impossible. My dad and Uncle Ron had also decided to start a small business. They were both geniuses at small engine repair, but due to the economy and other factors beyond their control, it only became self-sufficient. It never was able to support two families and let them hire people to do the work while they enjoyed being the bosses. So, for this wonderful couple that were our parents, it looked like Hawaii was not going to happen.
One year before, I decided that was not acceptable and that we should bring Hawaii to them. In retrospect it would have been easier and cheaper to take up a collection and fly them to Hawaii, but then everyone would have missed out on all the fun(?). Because our parents are beloved by so many people, it was not hard to convince others to go along with my grand schemes. With my love of Theatre, I have a penchant for the "Big Reveal" and thought the drama of a surprise party would be even more exciting.
 |
| Tami welcoming tourists to the Island in Fredonia. |
 |
| Invitations |
My main co-conspirator was my aunt, Tami. We all love my parents so much that we decided to make this a retrospective of their life. I "borrowed" Mom's old address books and we came up with a guest list of about 300 people, many of whom they had lost touch with over the years. I also have a learning disability with numbers, so it seemed reasonable to me. Tami was a little more realistic, and we had to unfortunately eliminate invites to second and third cousins in their large family. Tami and I had decided to do handmade invitations with a cut-out palm tree with the ocean behind it. Tami probably has carpal tunnel syndrome to this day, and that was only from 150 invitations. My sisters and even Grandpa Joe picked up the colored pencils. Tami said a rule of parties was that between one-half to three-quarters of people that are invited actually attend. Little did we know that people loved my parents so much that short of 3 or 4 people who were traveling or ill, everyone we invited was going to show up.
 |
| Let's eat! |
We spent the year scouring yard sales and thrift shops for anything related to Hawaii. Not surprisingly, what seems essential when you travel to the magical islands does not translate once you return home with a life-sized banana leaf carved wooden bowl, a muumuu, and salt and pepper shakers that look like Tiki gods. We accumulated treasures and hid all this decoration- we love shopping quests. We also involved Aunt Phyllis, Aunt Arlene, Aunt Maureen, and other aunts and family friends in researching and planning a menu that we would all make. (and by the way, "poi" may be traditional, but it was the only leftover. No one had seconds.)
What is amazing, is that with so many people knowing about this party, no one slipped-up and mentioned anything to Mom or Dad. It was a year of joyful secrets and anticipation. My plans included a looping video of Hawaiian scenery, blooming hibiscus trees, leis for everyone, Hawaiian attire for guests who could not find their own, torches, 6-foot Tiki gods, macadamia nuts, and a roast pig with an apple in its mouth. I try to use my powers of persuasion only for good, but perhaps it was a bit over-the-top. My enthusiasm is contagious, and reality takes a back seat. No one tried to rein me in.
As with any major event, there are always unanticipated challenges. My parents house had a large deck that was important to the party. Two weeks before the event, my grandfather was heading out with his morning coffee and put his foot through the floor. It had been temporarily surfaced with 4 x 8 sheets of plywood until they saved enough money for proper deck boards, and in spite of my mother's yearly painting of the wood to make it last, it had rotted. In our panic, Grandpa Joe said he would buy the deck boards as an anniversary present. I worked at the lumberyard down the road and got a discount. Dad taped off the deck for safety and said maybe later, like in the fall. He was confused when his normally helpful little brother, Ron, showed up before Dad got home from work and stripped the old plywood off and piled it in the yard. The project was suddenly top priority.
Mom was appreciative of the gift, but a little annoyed when Grandpa began immediate construction of the new deck. She did not understand why he could not take a break while she had her monthly Painting Ladies meeting at the house. They did not find sawing and hammering conducive to setting up easels for painting landscapes, flowers, and fruit baskets. We worked from dawn to floodlights each day to get the deck finished. By this time we secretly knew that we would be seeing 146 of their closest friends and family on that deck by mid-August.
 |
| Grandpa's gift of the new deck- no time for staining! |
A week before the Luau, our plans almost came unraveled. Mom and Dad had gone out for the day, so I and my two sisters took advantage of the time to make the life-sized Tiki gods. I had hidden the mesh forms in the neighbor's barn and now we were in the back yard covered in papier-mâché. Earlier we had gone searching in Mom's cedar chest for her original bride and groom cake-topper for their Anniversary cake. In our frenzy, we had not closed the lid and put the afghan back on the top of the chest yet. We were planning a surprise, but instead we got one. Mom and Dad came home early. Surprise!
After we squirted the wheat paste off her with the hose, Karin was sent to distract and delay them. Colleen and I ran two wet 6-foot Tiki gods into the cornfield next door. We remembered the cedar chest, but Mom was already in the house. She had gone to the bathroom, so I Ninja-crawled down the hall and shut the chest lid and replaced the afghan. I thought we had escaped detection, but mom-eyes are trained in observation for the continued survival of her offspring. She had walked through the bedroom and seen it and was now asking why it was open. We tried to "gaslight" her and say it wasn't, but we were older and her life was not frantic enough anymore to convince her she had imagined it because she was exhausted. Mom was suspicious now.
Tami and I came up with a plan. Their anniversary was mid-week, and the party was the weekend after. We decided to throw a Faux Party on their Anniversary to explain any unusual behavior. This meant a non-themed party with a wedding cake. Tami could not make one more thing, her fridge and those of the neighbors were all full. I also have decorated many cakes, but my agenda was a little full as well. My poor sister Colleen was drafted to do the Faux Anniversary cake. She was just a teen, and although she had baked many things, she had never decorated a wedding cake. I gave her a pep-talk that it was the Faux Cake and it only mattered that it provided explanation of the open cedar chest. I quickly showed her how to make icing roses, and reminded her that as long as it was made with love, no one would care how it looked.
 |
Colleen's lovely Faux Cake
|
Well, my sister, suffering from the family disease of struggling for perfection in spite of the odds against, produced a lovely wedding cake. Colleen had our Mom's talent hidden at a cellular level, and apparently, years of seeing Mom do cake after cake had sunk in. The emergency cake was beautiful and delicious. Disaster was averted by a small gathering- Grandpa, Ron and Tami and their girls, and Mom and Dad's three kids had a "surprise" party with cake and champagne for them. Every one of us had countless things to do for the real party, but we had a great time and Mom and Dad believed their 25th Wedding Anniversary was over.
 |
| Uncle Johnny helping Ron carve the pig- only crispy on the outside |
Friday, Uncle Johnny brought a whole pig for roasting from his farm in Painesvile, Ohio, and we took it to the store where Mom worked part-time. It was hanging in the cooler, and her bosses (also friends who were coming to the party) kept Mom busy elsewhere in the store all day. At this point, Mom's mother, Grandma Hull, was no longer able to drive the two hours to our house in Fredonia from Cleveland like she used to do once a week. Mom's autistic brother Chucky had a paper route that he did every morning at 5 AM for 40 years, so overnight was not an option. I drove the two hours to Cleveland the morning of the party as a shuttle service for Gram and her sisters Aunt Mae and Aunt Jeanne, and Mom's brothers Chucky and Kenny.
 |
| Gramma Hull, Uncle Kenny, Mom, Uncle Chucky |
 |
| Gram, Mom, Aunt Mae, Aunt Jeanne |
As with every weekend, Mom and Dad went to our camp in Tionesta with Grandpa. Usually the three of us children never missed the opportunity to go. Colleen made up some event with her friends that she MUST attend, and I also had plans, so I didn't mind staying home with her. Karin was younger, and was devastated to be excluded from the party hubbub that would begin soon. We encouraged her to go and keep the secret a little longer, since we now had Mom and Dad fooled, and Karin not going to camp would have been a suspicious red-flag.
 |
| Even Lady got decorated |
Everything was in place, all guests had arrived and were wearing Hawaiian outfits, decor was complete (the stubborn hibiscus, that refused to bloom after a year of trying, had silk flowers wired on them), and the pig with his apple was on the rotisserie that Ron had made. The fire was started with the wood from the old deck - recycling at its finest. Grandpa had made up some urgent reason to leave camp early. I knew my time disability was not passed down from my Grandfather, so 15 minutes before our appointed time, I herded 146 guests to line our long driveway to surprise Mom and Dad.
 |
| Surprised! |
It worked. They were surprised. When they topped the hill and saw all the people standing there, Dad joked, "Jan, did we forget to pay our property taxes? It looks like a Sheriff Sale!" They got out of the car, and we decked them out in muumuu and Hawaiian shirt, leis, flower crowns, and wooden goblets with some fruity drink. Mom was especially thrilled because Dad was usually "in" on any surprises and this time he was absolutely as clueless and surprised as she was. They enjoyed a long day with friends and family that they had not seen in ages. They both said it was way better than a simple trip to Hawaii.
 |
Happy 25th!
|
 |
| Dad and his family- Arlene, Ron, Grandpa, Maureen, and Tom |
 |
| Tricia, Tom, Pamela, Todd, Phyllis |
 |
| Jason, Laureen, Ron A, Arlene, Brian, Eric |
 |
| Michele, Michael, Dale, Maureen, Melanie |
 |
| Tami, Alicia, Ron Megan, Michelle |
 |
| Friends Joyce and Ron |
I couldn't have done it without my many co-conspirators. Thank you all for going along with my crazy over-the-top plans. It was for a good cause. Mom and Dad have brought happiness to so many, it was priceless to give some back to them that day.
 |
| "Real" cake with topper from their wedding cake, and more recently, from the Faux cake |
 |
| Smooch! |
 |
| Mom, Karin, Dad, Colleen, and Scott |
